David Letterman: "John McCain knew it was Sarah Palin's birthday, and he did something very nice for her. He bought her a Toyota."
Jimmy Fallon: "Michelle Obama said that childhood obesity impacts national security because obesity is a common disqualifier for military service. That's great info for moms: 'Honey, you have two choices. You can eat that doughnut and play video games, or you can eat this salad and go to Iraq.'"
Source: U.S. News & World Report