Jay Leno: "Hey, great news. They made an arrest in that failed Times Square bombing attempt. ... It turns out the suspect is a foreign-born, naturalized American citizen. You know what that means? He would have been fine in Arizona."
Jay Leno: "His name is Faisal Shahzad. ... What, is Snoop Dogg naming terrorists now? ... They're still looking for his brother, Fo Shizzle. They don't know where he is."
Jay Leno: "Well, here's something kind of embarrassing. The government has called off the Safety Awards for Excellence ceremony that was supposed to take place this week, in honor of outstanding safety and pollution prevention. And British Petroleum, the one that was responsible for the big oil spill in the Gulf, was one of the three finalists for the award. ... I believe the other two were China and the volcano in Iceland."
David Letterman: "Yeah, they plucked a guy off a plane. His name is Faisel Shahzad. They say he was a moody loner. Last year, he vacationed in the tribal regions of Pakistan. Well, no red flags there."
Source: U.S. News & World Report